I'm old!

I’m old! In my day, we didn’t have these fancy electro mail thingies. If we wanted to tell someone about a funny badger song, we walked ten miles to their house and danced the jig for them right then and there! When I was a youngster, we’d catch tadpoles in the creek and keep em in a bucket until they died or turned into frogs, and that was our aquarium. And that’s how we liked it! When I was a pup, all I had to entertain myself was the Mervyn’s summer catalog and typing 80085 into a calculator. The highlights of my childhood included flicking marbles around on the carpet, finding out if Colonel Mustard did it in the library with a candlestick and riding my bike over a crude 10 inch ramp for the thrill of flying. I didn’t get an allowance, I got paid for individual chores. A dollar to pull weeds out of the garden, 50 cents to mow the lawn, a nickel for every fly I swatted, and my mom would count them!

Now you young hoodlums have remote control lawn mowers, virtual reality gizmowhatsits and cordless telephones that you can keep right in your pickets. Get off my lawn you damn kids and your Atari video games and your Hello Kitten cartoon characters!

-Old Man Aaron